So.

I'm sorry for being a bit over-dramatic lately. I'm not rethinking all my life choices--let's just say I'm evaluating a few of them. (Dear SP: I don't know what I would do if I weren't an SM either, so that likely won't change soon. Love you!)

If you include the special events of the past two seasons (which I do, because half of them involved a difficult director), this is the eleventh thing in a row I've stage managed for the company. I hasten to add that I feel beyond thrilled to be constantly employed--in my degree field, of all things--especially when I check in on my fellow theater majors online (all the baristas, dog walkers, office workers, and even actual theater workers). But everyone eventually reaches their edge of sanity, and I've been teetering for awhile.

I didn't get into theater for money (only an idiot would), but I can't pay my rent on the satisfaction of a job well done. And I don't want this even to be about money (see again: idiots in theater, above). You don't grow up in a home parented by a state employee and a teacher, yet think money is all there is to life. (Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks. This was a good thing.) I'm just a little tired of being stuck at work all the time, and being told I'm doing good work by people who don't always understand what exactly I do, and calling that enough.

I'm feeling antsy about life, but haven't figured out where that's leading me to jump next. (Or, maybe I'm supposed to just sit back. Working on it.)

going through last week's rehearsal notes

Why I'm Not An Actor (Reason #...um):
DIRECTOR: Want to go back and try that again?
ME: Oh, CRIPES, no!


HEADACHES:
* Director 1 talks with Director 2
* Director 1 announces Plan A
* SM agrees to Plan A
* Directors arrive at rehearsal
* SM tells Actors Plan A
* Director 1 tells Actors Plan B
* Actors get set for scene
* Director 2: "Is this C? Let's do Plan C."
* HEADACHE


There's nothing as awkward as one actor trying to vamp through a line that's supposed to be cut off by another actor...who is trying vainly to get her page turned.


Dear actor currently giving the costume designer copious ideas about what she will or will not wear for the show: please enjoy the equally copious stick pins that will be "accidentally" left in all of your costumes.

come on out here pineapple

This morning I was thinking about the guy that I always used to see at the bus stop, every workday morning for months. One day he couldn't find his card and didn't have any change, so he asked me to borrow a dollar "because I see you here everyday." I agreed, so of course this was the last time I ever saw him. I'm sure there's any number of rational reasons why he would disappear from my morning routine, but I prefer to see it as the weirdest long con ever.

I came into work this morning to find thank you cards from two of my BCPE kids. One thanked me for helping her find her halo once when it was lost. Sometimes you know why you do what you do. :)

AWESOME!*

I feel like crap (somewhat suddenly and without warning+), which would usually be okay with it being all almost tomorrow and thus time for sleeping ...

... except my laser-like skill of ALWAYS SEEING THE STUPID COCKROACH~ just kicked in, and I now feel extra crappy after chasing a bug around my living room until it was dead under one of my many shoes that I leave strewn around the apartment for just such a reason.^ So this is me drinking some of that immunity-boosting nonsense and eating crackers and hope that I can fall asleep soon and not think about the fact that I was going to wear those shoes tomorrow."




*Not actually awesome. This is called sarcasm, and readers of the blog should be familiar. If not, please leave now - this will just be confusing.

+This is totally not without warning. I normally snack constantly at my desk, but haven't for the past three days. My body is probably shutting down completely without the extra calories.

~A blessing and a curse: I know the suckers are dead, but thus can't fool myself into thinking that mine is the only apartment in Houston where they don't live. (Also I can't rest

^Nope. There are just too many of them to care. There are six pairs in this room alone, including the cowboy boots on the opposite couch.

"Psh. Not now, I won't.

posting here rather than Twitter to delay the panic among my actors

THE SCARIEST WORDS IN THE WORLD (regarding tonight's rehearsal): "...and I asked them, 'Don't you want an understudy to read that tonight?' and he said 'No, apparently [she's] just going to talk tonight.'

Here, Mr. Shane. Now we can discuss the Spice Girls.

But more specifically, you have no idea how much I'd love to hear if you have an opinion on the Spice Girls movie. In fact, I'd happily mail my copy north to you, just for such an occasion. (Somewhere, Merefin and Angelfish are giggling.)

I just finished reading our K4 Cinderella script. I wonder what it says about where I am in life that I'd rather Cindy end up with the Jester than the drip of a Prince. Why shouldn't she go for the person who actual works to improve her life (and points out that she has a fairy godmother!) rather than the guy who only pops up briefly AND uses the same line about sighing TWICE. Maybe it's because I'm not a cheesy line person (despite my unrelated love of this) but c'mon? "There's that draft again! ... people always sigh when they see something beautiful" is just awful.

I didn't think this through beforehand, but ha--excuse me while I go sweep and mop the stage. (What! I need to tape it out! ... If I can pretend to be a fairy tale character at the same time, why not? Clearly I'm not too mature yet.)

I'm gonna need to backdate something after I write this, because this wasn't how I wanted to start the year.

Last night, as I sat through forty minutes of back and forth "I don't know - what do you want to do?" (and the only answer in my brain was RETHINK MY LIFE CHOICES), I already knew this was not going to be an easy audition process. But, as of tonight, if I have to sit through an hour of hemming and hawing, "I don't know"s, and back in the day reminiscences every night after rehearsal, I'll quit this job by tech week. I just really can't deal with it anymore, not after dealing with those kids for three months, not after this many shows in a row. My last bit of flexibility went out the window in giving Mr. Walker a show he could be proud of this summer, and I've been coasting ever since.

Unrelated to any of the above (but don't we need a change of subject now?): my Sondheim book has somewhat ruined my pop music ear. I mean, nothing can totally kill my pop music ear (I fully expect myself to be the awesome 80 year old who can sing Spice Girls songs), but I can almost *feel* the off rhyme when a song tries to pull out, say, "car" and "arm." (The slurry country twang helps more than my typing, but still.)

perfect, shiny, and new

I guess traditionally this would be the "wrap up the year" post, but I'm really just looking to kill about twenty minutes before I need to start working on things for the evening, and frankly that's not enough time for anything productive.

(Well, unless you count popping open the bottle of sparkling grape juice you bought for the booth *now* rather than during the show as productive. Then, goodness, it's quite helpful.)

This patch of time has also been productive for:
* finishing my bowl of soup
* remembering the batch of paychecks in my desk for the children
* reaffirming that I know nearly all the lyrics to Everclear's "Buy You a New Life"

I need to decide if I'm actually going to wear my NYE-appropriate dress all evening, or slosh around in my usual blacks. It's extremely likely that comfort is going to win out on this one, but we'll see.

I can't get the newspaper to go on vacation hold, because they say I don't have an account even though the papers keep coming and the toilet that was "fixed" from leaking out the back on Wednesday now leaks out the front and for a moment there it sounded like a spaceship was trying to take off from my parking lot...

But THAT'S OKAY, because this time tomorrow I'll be on a flight to the northern lands, where--according to this morning's report, at least--we shouldn't end up snowed in anywhere.

Also, at that point, time needs to take some sort of slowing down potion (those exist, right?) because I won't see the fam again until probably next summer. [Also, I love my BCPE kids, but we all need some time apart. Yes, even with just one week to go.]

I'm trying to do an all carry-on Christmas this year, so we'll see how that goes. (That should also indicate how much shorter of a trip I get to have this year.) Also, please airport staff, don't break the [=======] for [-------] or else I'll cry big fat tears. Also-also, I should maybe see about getting a ride *from* the airport next week, seeing as I'll be headed straight to a show. (I'm already aware this was a bad plan. 3:57 at IAH, anyone?)

My favorite post-haircut game is "No, I didn't get a haircut."

Yes, I'm still nine.

There's a small part of me who kinda wishes I hadn't cut my hair, as it was fairly (within about two inches) of being Locks for Love ready again....but that side of me was happily beaten into submission by the 'tired of stringy hair' side. What kid wants my split ends, anyway? So, goodbye hair: you had a good year (wedding updo, Bellatrix updo, too many pigtails full of pencils to count), and I'm sure we'll do it again next year when I'm too busy to get you cut again.

Not so much with the productive today...

(though it's only 7 p.m., so I have at least another four hours)

Of all the things I attempted today, the only really successful endeavor was cleaning my bathroom (*you're welcome, soon to be here brother!*). I burned my casserole [which was supposed to feed me off and on for the week], I discovered that apparently the mall does NOT have a JCPenney [which then makes it hard to purchase family Christmas gifts from the JCPenney folks], and my day can always be torpedoed by a Top Model marathon on one of the style channels.

What *did* I accomplish? (a brief, somewhat disappointing list):
- bought a new gallon of milk
- washed dishes
- pulled out the vacuum (which is that much closer to actually using it...)
- caught up to middle of October of "Wait Wait" podcasts
- stared at all the cool kits in the LEGO store and again lamented that no one in the family asks for them for Christmas anymore, meaning I don't get to sort the bricks Christmas morning anymore
- bought discounted alligator earrings (the mouths chomp)

GOSH! I was productive today!

I should do this "stay home from work" thing more often. Grocery shopping, done. Cleaning kitchen, done. Laundry [including hanging things up after], done. Organizing junk boxes, done. (Though, regrettably, Finding address book to send out Christmas cards, failed from the start as I still cannot find the address book) Goofing off by reading half a book, done...and congrats to self on only spending that much time on it.

I need to vacuum, cook a casserole for the week, and finalize some Christmas presents, but I have tomorrow evening free as well (bliss!) to tackle the rest of my list. I should probably make a dent in my newspaper pile (only one week behind) before they become ridiculously out-of-date again. For now, though, I'm gonna eat another cookie based on my brand new stoneware. Thanks, Mamita.

I kinda wish now that I had just gone ahead and hung up the costumes backstage, but SERIOUSLY kids, you've got to remember these things. (Yes, even when there's free food involved.)

Note to self: make a sign for the exit door - in decreasing font size, "Did you earn your star sticker today? No, really? Sure? (Hannah says check again.)"

Last night I met an Apollo 13-era NASA engineer (who happens to be the grandfather of one of my favorite kids). He slept in his car during the Apollo 13 crisis and was one of the people trying to figure out how to change the filter so it fit properly. I only exchanged about a few sentences with him, but it involved him wishing [after hearing that I'm part of the design and implementing process, as far as pressing light buttons go] that he could've been in charge of doing the plans he and the other engineers created. So that's kinda awesome.

I should take some time this afternoon to clean and bake a casserole and otherwise put my jumbled apartment into order/prep for next week's collection of evening shows. Instead I'm still in my pajamas, breezing through movies saved on my DVR, seeing as I was awake before seven this morning.

Also, did you know that I'm three weeks behind on my newspapers? Jeepers.

But if I cut my hair before tech week, where will I store my pencils?

What's that? I'm about to hit tech week and might need to be reminded that there's joy in the world outside the theater? Okay then.

* I clearly should pay attention to measurements when purchasing online, since my new phone is roughly the size of a toy cellphone you give to children. It's ruggerized, which adds the bulk, but still. I've never wanted to paint something with bright primary colors more in my life. (I'll likely just end up covering it with stickers in the meantime.)

* COGSWORTH: And as I always say, if it's not Baroque, don't fix it.

* Side note (for next year, perhaps) - how have I never dressed as Belle for Halloween? I have the hazel eyes and [currently] brunette ponytail, I can probably whip up an enchanted rose, heaven knows I have enough books. This really wouldn't be hard.

* Dear Oreos: When you're on sale, it's like I have a reason to live again. (I'm joking. Kinda.)

* COGSWORTH: There's the usual things...flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep.

* Was anyone else aware that the kid who voiced Chip also was the boy in Jumanji? (Or--somewhat terrifying--he's the father of two children.)

* Gosh, I want to bake some pumpkin bread....but my kitchen is not prepared for that sort of disaster. Dear self: stop typing up this, and take five minutes to actually put things away in the kitchen.

* [How has this not been reedited into a purely B&tB post yet?] Gosh, the crane shot in the ballroom is just as magical as ever, isn't it?

Another good reason to bring the laptop to work today: currently downloading a NOVA special off iTunes

(Because no one should ever pass up free science.)

Remember over a year ago, when I was trying to decide on a new phone since my current phone had been dropped (and/or thrown across the room in disgust - hey, we all have ways of dealing with frustration) too many times and was starting to loose screen functionality? Yeah, I finally got a new phone in the mail today. (Don't get up in arms - I ordered it earlier in the week.) Add to the reasons I don't want to go to rehearsal tonight: 4. I just want to read my new technical instruction manual. I'm *that* person.

The rest of the list, in order:
1. Tired
2. I'ma gonna punch that kid.
3. [varies by day]

I did paperwork stuff all afternoon, though I didn't finish the main project I wanted to do (coming up with actors to do the turntable shifts). I'd like to blame decifering the director's plan, but it was probably just me turning lazy. That happens on Friday afternoons. (Also Wednesday mornings, for whatever reason. I really can't motivate myself to do much of anything on Wednesday mornings.)

dinner 2.0 brought to you by the fact that this ballgame is STILL going

Most of the time, I am not a sports person. I'd rather talk about movie release dates than player stats. I have a hard time keeping track of the lingo. I actually own a book called "The Smart Girl's Guide to Sports," all about non-sports people faking that knowledge.

[I don't think this is much of a secret. In fact, I was surprised when anyone believed I was actually going to soccer practice when I was attending "soccer practice."]

But....

Something seems to happen to me when the Cardinals end up in the post-season. I think this must be another genetic quirk from my mother, because I've noticed the same thing happens to her. They stop being the team that usually breaks my heart by the end of the season, turning into the team that Just Might Do it This Year, and that gives me license to truly care. I start to have opinions about the players, even beyond the known names. I'm able to have conversations over the sports section with the sports-obsessed house manager. Jeepers, I read the sports section. These past two weeks, I've been that obnoxious person at rehearsal who has the game updating on the phone when she should be writing down blocking.

So, yeah, it's unusual for me to do things like watch a four hour (and four minutes!) ballgame, or set a team logo as my facebook icon, and many other things I've done here lately. Just give it a week, people, and I'll be normal again.

"ROX-"

[Because I often need to be reminded] Things that have made me happy this past weekend:

* any jokes about tape recorders

* CARDINALS WIN! (My squirrel puppet approves.)

* this interview with the two current Doctor Who companions.

* this week's episode of Community. I seriously convulse with laughter when they hit Troy's timeline (and I would post a link, but it wouldn't be nearly as funny without context).

* graham crackers with icing, because I'm clearly nine

too long for twitter, OR twice in one day

I came in early before strike so I could print out my performance/rehearsal reports from yesterday. Someone left a box of cookies on my desk, which seems to say "PLEASE HANNAH, EAT THESE, YUM YUM, THANKS" but maybe that was their plan and if I eat one (or both - there's two!) I'll be horribly addicted to chocolate iced cookies for the rest of my life, and I really can't go broke four dollars at a time to Whole Foods.

I kinda think the meds I took earlier in the day for my congestion are kicking in. Who wants to hand me power tools?

If I could wear my pajamas to today's strike, I would do it.

My favorite moment of rehearsal yesterday is a toss-up between discovering that several of my teenage actors are Doctor Who fans AND the moment the director told our already-obnoxious youngest actor to "JUST LEAVE" (as in, the stage--this was a blocking rehearsal, after all--but with the tone of "get as far from my sight as possible").

That's a lie. The best part was going to Chuy's with Kat afterward. Creamy jalapeno always makes everything better.

So, we survived, which is the important thing. (Also important: all the large church scenes with the kids are blocked, meaning the majority of the show is roughly done. Whether they retained any of that knowledge is a question for next week.)

Not really related to anything above: but someone [with a larger apartment than mine] should throw a Halloween party, because this weekend I thought up a costume I could create almost exclusively from my closet. (Don't worry, my Thor-cohorts. I haven't forgotten the May plan. I just don't have any boots with wings at this time.)

this, on repeat

[but actually the live version from "Great Performances," which is apparently not yet online]

I had a rather long and rambling post set to publish, but I can apparently control my words better than my eating habits (what up, ice cream for supper!), because I'm gonna go ahead and call it too "girl-moody" to share with the general population.

Excuse me while I go elsewhere, such as to bed (seeing as it's now half 'til tomorrow).