"But there's a Deeper Deep Magic...!"

LION closed this past weekend, which was more than a little bittersweet. I was ready for the show to end, seeing as I've been listening to the same forty-three minutes six times weekly for a month. I wasn't, however, ready to end my personal enjoyment, generally formed by the quotable cast and absolute mocking of the action.

I'm not going to dwell on the part where this was my first professional show as an ASM, and eventually full-blown stage manager. Instead, I'd rather focus on the part where I wrote down people being funny. It's not a comprehensive list because I'm trying out this thing where I focus more on being professional than taking down quotes as they occur, but we'll see how long that lasts this season, huh?

(Also, I don't care if these are only funny to me. Deal.)


How about Aslan and Jadis?
Dated in high school, ended badly. -Setting up character relationships

I guess I could read ahead and actually act. -Abby (Lucy), at the read-through

There's always a box in Narnia! -Kevin, the director

You're going to explain in a dramatic, fun, British kind of way... -the director

It's always winter in Narnia.
Can you eat it?
Only if it's not yellow.
Ooh! Mr. Tumnus! -the cast has too much downtime

She'll not see you because you're wearing a white shirt and it's winter. -when Edmund (Cliff) voices concern about not being skinny enough to hide behind a lamppost

And then you start licking it off the floor. -fake blocking to Lucy, upon the line "and they've spilled hot chocolate all over the floor"

You little...girl! (pause) I was trying to think up a G-rated response. The first three were unacceptable. You little...no...no...girl. (pause) It's early.

The White Witch is dead! Who else wants some?! -Aslan (Jeff) after the big battle

Susan looks like Lucy, just with glasses. -Patty, addressing our lack of a Susan by using the same double casting that makes Peter/Edmund work - the addition of glasses

And that's the end of Lucy. Yes, it was really Edmund. You didn't recognize him without his glasses. -Peter pushing Lucy off the steep hill

And I will cut his throat...by laser beam! -White Witch (Patty)

If Aslan can avoid turning into stone, he should be in great shape... -Marty, offering pre-fight commentary during great battle rehearsal

ABBY: And then you'll need to pause while the children cry.
JEFF: Just tell them to shut up or they'll be next. -Aslan's death

I'll just do the entire show myself...with finger puppets! (wiggles finger) Oh, Mr. Tumnus! (wiggles another finger) Yes, Lucy? -Abby

I should've left my feet out there. -Mr. Tumnus (K. Deaver), watching the children lament his trashed cave

I wonder if she can make him go to seven? -Jason, watching Edmund call for Lucy double the scripted twice

LUCY: Peter, that hill is so steep!
HANNAH: That's why they call it the Steep Hill, Lucy.

I'm gonna go shake my tailfeather! -recently unfrozen bird (Cliff), per request of the leaving SM, Mandy

HANNAH: Your collar was up again, and I thought it was going to drive me insane.
CLIFF: You realize that's my point, right? I do that on purpose every show.
NATALIE: Doing good.

I want to get this show down to twenty minutes. Can't we just skip all this? Like, "The robin looked her in the eye as if to say, 'follow me,' so we did. We followed it through the woods, past a beaver dam that we would've otherwise entered, and up a steep mountain hill. On the way it told us about this prophecy where we'd all become rulers, but only with the defeat of some witch who wanted to kills us all, and incidentally had our younger brother in her clutches at this very moment...." -Mandy (paraphrased), trying to get to lunch sooner

Fight ensues, ends badly for White Witch -blocking in the typed-up version of the script, as written by SM

You realize I'm now the person who decides whether or not you deserve light, right? -one variation of a spiel I gave often

I know, living with the bears, after awhile I'd feel comfortable, but I'd still carry a gun. Or a broadsword.
I think your best bet is a lightsaber. -discussing the documentary on the guy who lived with grizzlies, only to eventually be killed by his "friends"

I'm not a good Christian when I'm driving. -Houston traffic, enough said

Now, who didn't take a turtle and dip him in toxic waste, just to see what happened? -Marty, on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

NATALIE: We've been talking about movies and TV for awhile. If we didn't have that, what would we talk about?
JEFF: Probably crops or somethin'.