Saturday, August 29, 2009

I know better than to use such crappy ink to write on my hand.

My happiness that Spotlighter is over (and--more importantly--no longer my concern for a year) is tinged by sadness that the quotes I wrote on my hand were already fading before I got home. There was a Lee Walker zinger and everything!

In regards to awardness (I don't think she actually called it the growth award this year, so I'm not sure that I'm actually destined to leave within this season), I appreciate the sentiment...though I feel it more sincerely from those who talked to me afterward with congrats and hugs. I'm not always the most confident in my stage management abilities (and, at times, that can be a major understatement), so I should probably just take the compliment and tell my inner doubts to shut it.

[I first typed up this post Wednesday morning after Spotlighter. I hadn't gotten around to posting it (until now, I hope) because I'd been trying to draft out in my head the small argument that had been going on in the meantime. The basics:

1. I'm annoyed that we keep choosing to spotlight me, because there are other deserving people in this company who do amazing, above and beyond work (and I know how much time I spend on BubbleSpinner.

2. About 95% of what I do I wouldn't call going beyond the call of duty (or doing royal work, whatever that means JCG), but label as "being a good stage manager." By pointing me out as an example, I feel like that's providing justification for those who don't work as hard as they could to be content with their "average" performance.

3. I haven't yet unjumbled all my thoughts about how I don't want to live in Texas for the rest of my life (and how that somehow was brought up by one measly little bouquet), so just know that all that goes here.

The farther life gets from the drain that is Spotlighter Night (and how ironic is it that an evening set up to honor the company ends up dragging it through the emotional gutter?), the calmer my reaction will surely become. Again, I am happy that people think I'm swell (and I'll use it in the future when I need to remind myself that I'm swell), and I'll try to dwell only on that half.]