thank you, Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, for finally showing me the error of my ways
The *squee* sound half of Houston just heard was me finally, finally starting out trying to make a fried egg and successfully ending with a fried egg.
There was jumping involved, as is only right.
(Incidentally, the *buh!* sound made a few minutes later would be when 1/3 of the pepper graced the top of my egg all in the same one inch area. It's okay, it spreads.)