Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So.

I'm sorry for being a bit over-dramatic lately. I'm not rethinking all my life choices--let's just say I'm evaluating a few of them. (Dear SP: I don't know what I would do if I weren't an SM either, so that likely won't change soon. Love you!)

If you include the special events of the past two seasons (which I do, because half of them involved a difficult director), this is the eleventh thing in a row I've stage managed for the company. I hasten to add that I feel beyond thrilled to be constantly employed--in my degree field, of all things--especially when I check in on my fellow theater majors online (all the baristas, dog walkers, office workers, and even actual theater workers). But everyone eventually reaches their edge of sanity, and I've been teetering for awhile.

I didn't get into theater for money (only an idiot would), but I can't pay my rent on the satisfaction of a job well done. And I don't want this even to be about money (see again: idiots in theater, above). You don't grow up in a home parented by a state employee and a teacher, yet think money is all there is to life. (Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks. This was a good thing.) I'm just a little tired of being stuck at work all the time, and being told I'm doing good work by people who don't always understand what exactly I do, and calling that enough.

I'm feeling antsy about life, but haven't figured out where that's leading me to jump next. (Or, maybe I'm supposed to just sit back. Working on it.)

7 comments:

Hannah said...

I'm going to pull a CMS and comment right away.

I drafted this post on the last blank page in a journal I purchased my intern year. I've misplaced it once or twice--and there's a whole section of scribbled on paper scraps taped-in from when I kept leaving it at home--but I've been carrying it around for basically five years. Finishing it off is that same feel of something ending/something beginning ... though, in this case, I have the next journal picked out already.

Anonymous said...

Please know how proud of you we are! You are a follower of Jesus, smart, determined, and yes, dependable young lady. We pray everyday for God's best in your life (we pray for CMS, too!) and we will stand with you on whatever that may be.
Hannah's Mom

David Shane said...

If you need any help finding a theater position in central Michigan, I'm willing to make inquiries for you. (What?) I know of an excellent church, and have some French friends who make delightful chocolate desserts. I'm just saying.

Hannah said...

Dear Parents,
I'm moving to Michigan. No, I don't have a new job--I just know a guy who knows people who are excellent at desserts.

Melissa said...

Can i come to Michigan too? I like chocolate.

Hannah said...

Let's all go to Michigan! (DAVID! Tell Bec we're moving in!)

david said...

I knew there was some reason we got a 2 bedroom place.