You're now for the low low price of $19.95! (plus $5895.19 S&H)

I am an absolute informercial junkie. I've spent many Sunday afternoons delaying homework as I watched hour after hour of paid programming. I even have a favorite informercial (Carolyn and Marilyn for the SlowStew). I've never actually bought any crazy tv products (I'm not that insane), but there's a certain giddiness I feel upon seeing a shoe cut in half, whole fruit coming out shrunk and dry, etc.

Last Friday, Mom and I were at Wal-Mart stocking up on college munchies when they announced a free knife giveaway. I went to grab one, not realizing the joy awaiting me.

The freebie (as you, you brilliant genius you, have probably figure out) was merely a ploy to make people sit through a demonstration of a different knife (a bargain at $19.95!). Did I care? Good lord, no! I happily stood there for over ten minutes as this wonder knife chopped sliced, diced, bent without breaking, and sawed through a steel hammer before my very eyes.

Of course, I was a bit more persnickety when Demonstration Guy wouldn't stop yapping about all the free things he was willing to give us in addition to the wonder knife (let's just say there could've been a well stocked mini army preparing for their next attack while squeezing fresh fruit juice), since I was supposed to meet Mom at the registers. Demonstration Guy finally finished up his spiel and started accepting cash, credit, and all major credit cards (apparently, some Sullivan people had need for eleven knives...I should probably feel worried). I grabbed my tiny paring knife and finally found Mom--she was packing the trunk by then--but at least I gained a little bit of informecial-ness...

At least until I forgot it at home when I left for Kirksville. At least I saw a knife saw through steel.